Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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