i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
