Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
