He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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