When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just puked most of my soul out..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
