In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
