**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
