oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
