i would punch a child for taco bell
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
