I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
