Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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