Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
