I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need water and some morals
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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