I CAN MOONWALK!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
