fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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