"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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