why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
