I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
