did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
