im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
