All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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