just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
