physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
