Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
