Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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