I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you would pick up someone in the library
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
