Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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