I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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