Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
