Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
