got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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