I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
