Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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