saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
