Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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