I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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