I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
