im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize