You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I understand Curling. That high.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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