he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
