I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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