I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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