I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
