I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
