you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
FUCK WHALES
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