He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
