don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
