R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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