I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
