I'm eating all of the evidence.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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