You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
