well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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