Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
