Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
