If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
