Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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