I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
