if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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