the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
