Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
