sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
