Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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