Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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