Can i not drive my cunt home
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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