Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
