OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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