then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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