You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
