yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
