you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
