I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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