I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
