I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Text me some of your sweat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
