Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
