just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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