i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How external is "for external use only"?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
